Story of my depression

my life.... my feeling....loneliness......pain,heartbreaks.......I'm trying so..so hard to not give up,i dropped the fake smile as tear run down in my cheek......when i tell others,they just said IT'S OK,EVERYTHING GONNA BE FINE.....REALLY?YOU EVEN DOESN'T KNOW MY FEELING,MY PAIN.i'm so tired with all this,and i'm not being able to explain what i feel deep down inside,the feeling that suffocate and grab my throat just to keep my mouth shut.the inside pain in my gut telling my self to keep my feeling trapped inside.....so much to say but no word to convey,the loneliness building with each passing day,but I'm getting used to it,you have to get used to it.The feeling of emptiness controlling my whole body,that huge pressure in my heart that make it hard to breathe.THE TEARS FALL DOWN MY CHEEK INTO MY HAND.....tears that no one but the GOD and the rain see.no one else would understand.I'm tired of trying to open up to others......and it breaks into my heart even more,just watching them walk away....i don't know why i even try anymore.Here how I describe my feeling....something fragile.....is like glass,and the more you scratch on it,,,, the more it cracks...until it's breaks and shatters.My heart has always been hurt.it has always been broken,I've felt alone all this time...why I feel this way...I don't know,its not something I ask for...its not what i want.if I could ask for anything...it would be happiness.I know there is someone like me out there,someone who understand,someone that knows the pain that I feel...WHAT I FEEL IS....THAT I'M NOTHING,I'M INVISIBLE TO EVERYONE...LIKE NO BODY WANT ME TO BE HERE,THAT I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT.all this things have happen to me,that i'm not surprised of my life going wrong once again.SHIT HAPPENS mostly to me,so dont worry.FORCE SMILE AND BLINK AWAY THE TEARS.And yes I may have said i'm lonely...THAT NO ONE UNDERSTAND ME.....but I relise life ist turning around,SADNESS AND DIFFICULTY,HAPPINESS ITS THE COLOR OF LIFE.......I don't care if you think i'm wierd,it's my life and you dont know what i feel,you dont know exacly my pain. Life maybe in the rock bottom for me.but i always remember,,,,,,,the bright light its coming,maybe not now but will coming.......keep holding on your faith,maybe you are moslem like me,or chritian,budhism or whatever that you believe......believe he will guide you to the light that will shine your life......i believe and that happen,when i'm down feel so dark look like i want end up my life,i just start praying and surender my life ,my soul to the God.......and i feel like born again with a new hope,new life.......I know i can survive 'couse i'm a SURVIVOR........^__^